Self Pity

So here I am, less than two months away from the closing of my new home, having all my annual leave, (which can't be used during your first six months of employment), accruing and planning to use it when I move into my house and when my new niece or nephew is born in November and when my oldest and dearest friend in the world comes to visit in early November (we've been friends for 33 years) and boom. I get freakin' fired. I don't even have final approval the mortgage!!! I finally saved up my nest egg again after obliterating my savings during my rainy YEAR in VA and now. I get freakin' fired.

But here's the thing. As hard as I am trying to mope around and feel sorry for myself ~ and trust me, I have natural talent for this ~ I just can't.

Yes, I got fucked over once again. Someone probably should have warned Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum who just sent me packing that the last person who even considered firing me wound up basically getting publicly humiliated, blamed for the biggest public health fiasco in recent history (think Tuskegee with bears) and got run out of town. Watch your backs, gentlemen. Karma's a bitch.

Still not feeling bad for myself. Why? If I knew I would be bottling it and selling it, now wouldn't I?

Could it be I've turned into a closet optimist? (Perish the thought!!!) Could it be that I spent the morning at the greatest public pool ever (Deep Eddy) with my pregnant sister and toddler nephew and experienced the lowest body temperature I've had since moving to Texas? Quite possibly.

I have another theory. Resilience. Once you build up enough scare tissue, the new cuts cant' cut too deep because the surface of your skin is much tougher than it used to be. Have I been through a lot in my life, possibly too much? Well, yeah, of course. And somewhere along the way, without even realizing it, I learned to roll with the punches.

My aunt used to have this horrible job. She worked with displaced workers. She would frequently be brought on site to a manufacturing plant for the day that mass layoffs were announced. There would be people who had worked at these plants for twenty, thirty years. They had no education, no skills, and no clue that the end was near. Sometimes there would be armed plain clothes security on site as well. Imagine hundreds of people being told exactly what I was told ~ gather up your personal items and hand in your i.d., you no longer have a job. My aunt would be there to talk to them about applying for unemployment and programs for job retraining and other things that the state and federal government had to offer. She also did seminars on resume writing and job interviews. That job basically sucked the life out of her. But she had some of the best words of wisdom.

My favorite was about change. She told me that change was like a huge ocean wave hitting the shore. You could ride it, you could fight it, or you could just walk away. People seem to forget that the third option even exists. But, the third option is always my favorite. If you don't believe in the change, there's no reason to waste your strength and energy fighting it when you can simply walk away.

I think back to those poor souls ~ poor-God-help-us's, as my family would refer to them, it follows the there but for the grace of God walk I theory of life ~ anyway, I am so much better off. I have an education, an excellent one. I have experience, tons of it, in a very particular field that is rather short of people with my experience as diverse as mine.

And I have a family (there but for the grace...), one that will never let me fall or let me fail. For now, unless the bank asks directly if I have lost my job, I won't be telling them. My parents have agreed to co-sign on the mortgage if I need that. And my sister has said that I can stay at her house as long as I need to.

Did I mention that I've already applied for two jobs and one has already contacted me for an interview? I'm a hot commodity. Seriously.

For now, I'll just catch up on my knitting and my reading. I'll continue my plans for my new house and for my nephew's "big boy" room. I'm going to come through this just fine. I land on my feet.

I still would really like to spend a little time wallowing in self pity. Maybe I'll find a way to fit it in next week.....