S is for SUCK

I got fired today. I actually got fired. I think if I keep saying it over and over again it might actually seem real. Fired. They fired me. They gave me a letter and told me how they agonized over the decision. They told me I could go back to my office and get my personal belongings, turn in my badge, not touch my computer and leave the building. I was still within my 6 month probationary period, so I could be fired without cause. They said my skill set just didn't match the job.

Am I supposed to feel better that they agonized over the decision? Do they want me to feel bad for them?? WTF?? Do I get to admit how furious I am that I moved halfway across the country (covering my own moving expenses)for this job only to get fired five and a half months later?! Can I be pissed off that they scheduled the meeting to fire me for 3:30pm at 11am ~ why not give me the freakin' afternoon off?? Why was I working those four and a half hours anyway???? Had I known what was coming, I would have been deleting and shredding all my lit review and analysis toward the journal articles that the two guys who fired me are so damn hot to get done. Why should anyone else benefit from the work that I did?

And then, given the last few years of my life I just have to ask, when does the good stuff start happening? When do things "fall into place?" When do I get to stop trying so damn hard and fighting up hill? When do things get easy? I keep thinking that once I get through this "rough patch" good things will just start happening. But the patch seems to be extending through my thirties. How the hell did that happen, anyway?

Anytime anyone wants to throw some good will my way, feel free. It's becoming exhausting to have to make all the good things happen all by myself.