Sunday, March 27, 2005

Fighting back?


I filed a grievance against the evil one today. It's a first step, I suppose. In the very least, I am priming the state to have ammunition against her when she ever comes under their control. Daddy says I have a major edge on her because she's not very bright. I my edge has more to do with the fact the she has underestimated me every step of the way.

Today was a slow day. Everything was hard. Dad's trying not to push, but I know Mom's nagging him to get things done around here. What's also odd is that everyone but my aunt has offered for her to come down and stay with me. I have done everything short of beg her to come, but she's not offering and I just can't beg. I guess Mr.-I-won't-come-between-you-and-your-family is contiuing that trend now that they're married.

Finally heard from Devine. She responded to my Uncle Bunty obit that I sent her. She deleted the original email I sent her in response to the email she sent to my office that got my auto response about "being out of the office and unavailable." ~ my yahoo account still had my name as "abc efg" ~ oops! So I recent my long email to her. Hopefully she'll respond in the next few days.

I'm really behind on my book group reading. I actually have 3 books to read for June! Well, one I read in Mrs. Timme's 5th grade Language Arts class, but I think I may need a bit of a refresher...

The pictures of my nephew are so amazing. I need to get some prints made. He is just soo beautiful now and soo photogenic! I'll have to call Tim tomorrow to see what his schedule is like to find out if I can use his use his high speed internet to upload these pictures to the web.

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Reconnecting with "ME"?


I've been trying to do thing that make me happy or at least made me happy at some point. Today Dad and I went to Barnes & Noble and went to the Ashland Berry Farm and got annuals for the pots on my front steps. I know at one point I loved growing flowers so I'm sticking to that! My orchids are still blooming and they look gorgeous. The yellow one in the bathroom has all sorts of new buds even.

I've been reading a lot and joking with my sister about how this is the best time to read sad books. What are they going to do, depress me? I'm actually pretty numb. The crying response is so easily activated, it doesn't even seem to hold any meaning. I've gotten "102 Minutes" about the people in the Twin Towers on 9/11 and actually really liked "Good Grief." There's a scene where the main character, who is trying to come to terms with the death of her husband and has consoled herself with a little too much ice cream (to the point that her work clothes no longer fit), arrives at work in her pajamas and bathrobe. I cannot even begin to describe how much I wish I had had the nerve to do that. There were days and days where it took everything I had to get myself into that horrific office and getting out of bed was the hardest part. But to demonstrate, especially for one of those stupid 7am mandatory staff meetings would have been so liberating.

I still need to avoid the damn Wellbutrin XL commercial. Don't need to be reminded that I'm not myself, thank you very much!!! Quite aware of the fact. There will be a day when I finally have the feeling -- yes! this is me. I remember this!

But, that is months and months away.