Dirty Little Secrets

There's a song by the All American Rejects called "Dirty Little Secret" and it has the best video.



There are all these people who appear to be people off the street (but are probably actors) who are holding up little cards with their own dirty little secrets. Some are gross "I pee in the sink", some are sad "she cheated", some are disturbing "I'm only dating her to get closer to her sister" and some are just heartbreaking "I wish I was the other twin."

As someone who loves to study the human experience in all forms, I'm mesmerized by these confessions. The song, of course, is about having a secret lover that you're ashamed to introduce to your friends, but the video is much more. Many of the confessions seem far too personal and unique to have been written by writers and not real people ~ you know, the truth is stranger than fiction. "Sometimes I fake empathy so people will like me;" "People think I've stopped lying.... but I've just gotten better at it;" "I'm afraid no one will ever love me.. as much as my dog does;" "I want to go blind so I don't have to see them together;" "I fear I have an undiagnosed mental illness;" "I hate people who remind me of myself."

So it all makes me wonder, what would my confession be? "11 inches (ouch!!) is not worth the ego that came with it"?? That's hardly a secret, at least not to anyone else who knows the person I'm talking about. "I'm not always sure whether I want to live or die.." That would be honest and disturbing, but maybe a little too honest and disturbing. "My sister thinks I'm completely spoiled, but I would trade lives with her in a nano-second." That would be a real secret, something that I've never admitted out loud, not even in some sniping match where she accuses me of never allowing her to have any real problems in comparison to mine. My sister is a professional with the cutting remark. She can say things that slap harder than any open hand. It's all part of the roles we play in the family. She's the responsible one who manages to get by on nearly nothing. I'm the mentally ill one who cannot be trusted to take care of myself regardless of how financially stable I am. I'm just unreliable, unstable, un-everything. I was cast into the role whether I choose to play the part or not. Neat, huh?

So, how's this for a dirty little secret? I'm not the person my family expects me to be.