I wasn't looking...

Ask married people how they met "the one" and they invariably tell you that they honestly had stopped looking and that was when it happened.

Is this a load of crap? Quite possibly. Do I like that it gives me a reason to stop actively pursuing dates and such? Quite definitely! Have I mentioned recently how much I hate dating??? Have I mentioned the number of times I have been told that there was either little or no spark??? What is this spark thing, anyway??? I *don't* spark. I am the human equivalent of wild fire prevention.

A few years ago, I saw "Monsoon Wedding" and called my mother to complain that she didn't bring me up in a society where arranged marriages were socially acceptable. (Which is only because ~ and stop reading if you haven't seen this marvelous movie yet ~ the guy her parents picked out for her was so much better than the guy she had selected for herself. Had it been the other way around, I would not have been so hot for the idea of arranged marriage.)

Anyway, back on Ally McBeal (another truly pathetic character who probably weighed a good 50-60lbs less than I did and yet I identified with her ~ a theme?) she saw a therapist who told her that she needed a theme song. It was, of course, a very goofy episode as she tried out different songs and found it difficult to walk down the street to different songs, but anyway, the idea has always stayed with me. Life has a soundtrack whether you intend it or not. It just kind of happens and you don't always get to decide what the tone of the music is or when the awful haunting don't-go-into-the-basement music from every 80s horror film comes on. It wouldn't be right if you knew you were making the huge mistake, no dramatic irony.

But there are times when you do get to pick the soundtrack, when you pick your theme song, a mantra that will sustain you through some change or whatever. This Anna Nalick song is mine, now that I'm not looking. Seriously, I'm not.

"In The Rough"

You say you fell while holding diamonds in your hands
"It's your fault for running, holding diamonds," I said
And I offer no sympathy for that
I hear that it was you who died alone
And I offer no sympathy for that
Better off I sparkle on my own

And someday love will find me in the rough
Someday love will finally be enough

I turned around 3 times and wound up at your door
Now you say you know all you did not know before
And I offer no sympathy for that
I hear that it was you who died alone
And I offer no sympathy for that
Better off I sparkle on my own

And someday love will find me in the rough
Someday love will finally be enough

I got your love letters
I threw them all away
And I hear you think that I'm crazy
I'm driving 95
And I'm driving you away
And I shine a little more lately

Someday love will find me in the rough
Someday love will finally be enough

Someday love will find me in the rough
Someday love will finally be enough

I shine a little more lately

It seems appropriate now to end with my favorite Ally McBeal quote: Maybe I'll share my life with somebody... maybe not. But the truth is, when I think back of my loneliest moments, there was usually somebody sitting there next to me.